When You Look Good, You Don't Run Into to Anyone!

I wrote this on January 9th, 2008 when we lived in St. Louis and my kids were 8, 4 and 2. I drove to and from our school three times each day for drop offs and pick ups for Meg who was in third grade and Gus who was in half day preschool.  Showers were hard to come by with our schedule and the constant presence of a two year old. 

 

I began the morning with a stubborn 4 year old that would not cooperate in getting ready for school. This was a first for us so I was ticked pretty early. Pete stayed home with Gus and tried to hog tie him into a uniform while I did the carpool. For all of you stay at home Moms out there I’m sure you can relate to the following information. So I haven’t showered and I’m wearing the clothes I had on the previous day but I thought, “no one will see me because I’m just doing drop off”. Those words would haunt me all day long!

 I got three kids buckled in the van and made it to school 15 minutes early and I successfully got three little people unbuckled and out of my van while cars started to line up behind me. Only problem was, my car would not move! I was at a loss! My car literally would not come out of park no matter what I did. Luckily my friend Liz was right behind me so I threw on my hazards and she came over laughing. I told her what was happening and she got in my van and tried it for herself  but to no avail. She quickly said, “You are so screwed but I’m leaving you because people are going to start honking.” And off she went! There was a lot of staring and three different Dads’ came to assist me but they too could not fix it! They tried rocking my van, turning it off and back on, and it just wouldn’t budge. I dared to glance behind me and I saw that the line of cars now extended all the way through HR’s parking lot, down Mason Avenue and then out onto Lockwood Blvd!!! There I stood in my haggard state getting a lot of dirty looks while children were running from cars in fear of not making the bell.  I don't know how, but eventually I got it into drive. The three Dads ran to their vehicles screaming, “GO, GO, GO, and don’t stop anywhere until your home!” Perfect, I'll get home and shower!

 I had every intention of showering but my good friend called to update me on her 7 year old son who has been diagnosed with Diabetes and things were really scary so I wasn’t going to ditch her for a shower. I cried with my friend, ate some Mega MM’s and then had to pick up Gus from preschool. I was still wearing the clothes from yesterday but now I also had flour all over my blue sweatpants due to a Mabel incident that involved creativity with flour and a whoopee cushion (you really don’t want to know), and I was scared to death that my van would malfunction again but what can you do? That pick up went well even though I had to talk to the wealthy woman who was leaving for Europe today for a nice trip. In my floury sweatpants, no makeup, and hair in a ponytail state, I asked where she was going and she said London and then she asked if I was going to be traveling soon and I told her that my next trip will be to the grocery store and that’s only if I can make it out of the parking lot.

Our afternoon was full of adventures including a garbage disposal jammed with dry elbow pasta, trauma over food coloring stains on hands, and my favorite, the apparent sabotage of a tiny rock collection that Gus compiled. Guess who sabotaged? The sabotage might explain what else was in the garbage disposal jam!! I also had two phone calls from my spouse informing me of two different business trips to happen in the next two weeks, which always brightens my day. A napless two year old meant that, yep, you guessed it, no shower for me.

But then, at 2:30 the phone rang and I saw on caller ID that it was Meg's school. Anytime that name shows up on caller ID I have a little panic attack so I rushed to answer. It was the principal calling to inform me that our school was awarded the Pendergast-Weyer Foundation grant. We have a very serious, prim and proper principal and upon hearing her words my response was, “SHUT UP!!!!”  Really not the response a mature school parent should come up with but that was better than other things that could have come out of my mouth. Through September and October I wrote a grant proposal to get new computers for our school and we got it. It’s amazing. I was doing the happy dance in my living room while Gus just watched with that facial expression that says,“God, my Mom is so weird” so I made him dance with me. The whoopee cushion was brought out for the celebration.

And then it was time for the 3:15 pick up so Mabel and Gus climbed in the van with their chocolate chip cookies and my basketball whistle because really every 2 year old needs a whistle, don’t you think? I was still unshowered but oh so happy that I really didn’t care! At school  I was hugging and high fiving and enjoyed a celebratory huddle with the grant committee and then children piled in the van-(all 6 of us because somehow I gained a mystery child that ended up being a neighbor’s play date)……and my van wouldn’t go into drive, but I didn’t care!! Mabel was whistling and Gus was begging to go to the library and Meg was telling me that she forgot her spelling words, and the two other girls were trying to trade earrings and I just didn’t care! After a few minutes we were in business. We came home and danced in the front yard and then Mabel headed to the backyard. Quickly the mood changed.

She reappeared in tears holding her brand new bear who was an obvious victim of the storms on Monday night. The bear really did look like a child’s toy that had been pulled from tornado wreckage. And then Meg was in tears because she truly believes that all stuffed animals are real and Gus was giggling and telling me how it looked like it was covered in poop. We rushed the victim to the kitchen sink where Mabel sat on the counter and Gus and Meg pulled up a chair to watch the animal rescue episode going on in my kitchen. Meg was ready to be a blood donor, Mabel was weeping and Gus was yelling, “Use the sprayer, use the sprayer.” Finally, I was appropriately dressed for a part of my day! I got enough mud off to read the tag and joyfully announced that our victim could go in the washer and dryer and that he would make a full recovery. Mabel cried harder and said, “Please don’t put him in the dishwasher.” I explained the difference between a dishwasher and clothes washer as well as the process and said that we could all go down in the basement and do a ceremonious washer cycle but Mabel wouldn’t hear of it. So I have an extremely soggy bear sitting on a paper plate but you know as soon as that child is in bed, that sucker is headed to the Maytag rehab. So it’s 7:40pm now and I’m still unshowered but I don’t care. If I were showered and wearing clean clothes, chances are that the car wouldn’t have broken down and I wouldn’t have had to chat with the wealthy European traveler, and we wouldn’t have received the grant. The moral of this story is…..amazing things can happen when you least expect them, especially if you don’t shower. Oh, and every household needs a whoopee cushion.